I would say instead of spell and pronounce and dictate through
I would boast and tangle and commit to all out terminal turmoil
I would know that if I held on tighter and was louder and more bold it would stay, but it wouldn't.
Today I mourn my hopefullness and relax into a mess where I can't really wash my hands yet, because I'm not done.
Today I hurt in a joy of remembering of something that feels good, for a moment, longer if everything happens to align for just a flickering moment more.
Today I dread having to love without saying, I dread something that feels celebratory within an ache I didn't want or know I could have again.
Today I relequish and relish in the unknowing of knowing what I feel and having no remedy to make it feel more solid, more named, more like tomorrows coming.
If I was younger I'd believe in forever now instead of saying goodbye the moment I fall completey.
