not so troubled

can you except this i am on
my knees naked running
set my mind at ease
tomorrow there
is not another day
can you not be here
now
set my mind at ease

Won't be letting go

Won't be sleeping till we are all safe, at home.
Won't rest tonight, with eyes simply closed

To awake to this and know,
You are all i want to see
 All i want to hear

#"You Awake"

-"Mom can i have cereal"

# "No. I am cooking Breakfast.
Banana, if you want. "

-"Ok, I love you mom."

Six days a week, because sunday
we have brunch, but you don't know
that cereal is my place holder, for another
cup of coffee... once a
week.

#" Brush your Teeth"

-"But I'm still Hungry"

#"I know, you can still eat"

Hours pass, another snack,
And walks, and time spent
in little corners of your view
of wilderness, but my tired
legs, tired mama legs,

know are short.
Short on time, and distance from a road
other passer bys...
through woods and Hayfields.

-"Who's that?"

#"I don't know"

 -"Why are they over there?"

#"Getting their mail"

-"Oh."

You will never know
how significant,
the insignificant.
Son, I tell you a hundred times,

#
"Don't do that"
"Not over there"
"Probably someday,
Of course"

"Of course, of course "
You are always allowed, to do that"

"You are welcome,
Thank You"

"I wouldn't do it without you"

"I am so scared"

"I love you
I love you
I LOVE YOU"

More then when i walked across town, in labor with you.
and went home for thirty minutes, to get my favorite pillow.

Forgot to remember


the last time i held a wanting hand
or felt the welcomed pressure of love
no plans or dates to be saved between
not an ounce of inkling in this mane
not tears that linger
or refrain
empty tomorrow
i made soup
today

Becoming a not so little girl, putting on the shoes of this women.

Starving spiritually in ways i did not know i could. Dreaming of a wedding where i didn't wear the dress. Holding hands and blankets over face, life to short. Not the right pace. Legs Heavy, under due, thinking about being over due. Not knowing why you haven't noticed me, notice you. Pulling and pushing pillows, between the wall and the head, beside me.